Chronic people-pleasing is a crime. It’s a crime against your soul, who you are, your unique gifts, purpose and message to share with the world.
By the time I was 21 years old, I was addicted to people-pleasing and external validation. I didn’t believe that I was good enough. Or smart enough. Or cool enough. Or attractive enough. Or lovable enough. So I manipulated my body, my behaviors and my personality so that I would be accepted, approved of and liked by everyone. I was always nice and said “yes” no matter what.
I did this at the cost of betraying my soul.
The people-pleasing road led to bulimia, blackout drunken nights, and self-loathing.
I was a shell of a person: I lost myself: in the midst of depression, I attempted to end my own life. I hit my rock bottom.
Friends and family were at a loss about how to help me, so my parents called the police.
I was handcuffed and escorted into a police car with neighbors gawking and tears in my parents’ eyes.
This was the wake-up call I needed to get real, start healing and take back my personal power, and quit committing crimes against myself.
From a hospital, to a psych ward, to a treatment center, to experiencing equine therapy and life coaching, my people-pleasing recovery journey went from handcuffs to healing through horses.
Horses ignored me during equine therapy if I attempted to be anything other than my authentic self. Horses only wanted to connect with me when I was being real, imperfections and all.
It was mind-opening and heart-opening.
Through working with horses and peeling back protective and inauthentic layers, I found the woman I was meant to be.
I began to accept, approve, like, and, yes, even love myself.
People-pleasing will cost you everything.
You are doing yourself and the world a disservice by saying “yes” to things when deep down your soul says “no.”
Especially as women, we need serious reframing around saying “no.”
Saying “no” to others doesn’t mean being a bitch, being selfish or being ungrateful.
It means we care about how we feel, and we value our precious time and energy.
It means we make choices based on what enhances our spirit versus what drains our spirit.
It means we proclaim that we can truly be there for others, only when we are there for ourselves first.
In a world of 7 billion people, not everyone is going to like you. Or accept you. Or approve of you. Or love you. And it’s okay.
In fact, it’s liberating to know and accept this because you will stop betraying your soul in an attempt to gain other’s fleeting acceptance and so-called stamp of approval.
Are you betraying yourself?
Awareness is key. Pay attention to the choices you make, and notice if they drain you mentally, physically, emotionally and spiritually.
If your choices drain you, it’s a red flag. If you are fueled by your choices, you are feeding your soul and curing the “disease to please.”
Practice saying “no” in the mirror. When you say “no” to someone, use K.I.S.S., aka Keep It Short and Simple.
You will want to kiss yourself when you act on this because it feels empowering!
When you start saying “yes” to your soul, you take back your personal power. This is a practice and you begin to build an emotional muscle over time.
It could mean saying “no” to others. It could mean speaking up even when your voice shakes. It could mean sharing an opinion that goes against what your family/friends/co-workers/spouse thinks.
By pleasing yourself first, you start living the life you are born to live. Only then can you be of the highest value and service to the world and those around you.
When you break free of the chains of always being nice and relying on external validation to feel worthy and good enough, you take the reins of your life. And there is nothing more likable, attractive, and lovable than a woman who says “yes” to herself and “no” to what doesn’t resonate with her soul.
So don’t get handcuffed, get real.
P.S. If you want to learn how to say “YES” to yourself, join us at the “Return to the Real You Retreat” in Montana on August 12th – 16th, 2018. CLICK HERE FOR MORE INFO.
P.S. Share this post if you know someone who can benefit.