Letting Go of What Was, and Accepting What Is

This picture of Detail and I was taken 3 years ago. I keep posting it to remember the good old days before lameness took over.


Detail’s been off for over a year now. We’ve tried changing vets, changing farriers, ultrasounds, Platelet Rich Plasma injections, arthritis medications, corrective shoeing, chiropractic adjustments, Reiki, the list goes on…

Last night I went out to the pasture and scratched Detail in her favorite spots. She stood there and rocked back and forth encouraging me to scratch different places. I wept and told her I’m sorry. Sorry she’s hurting. Sorry I can’t fix it. And that I’m 100% committed to doing whatever it takes to help her feel better. I sat down on the ground and she walked up to me and put her heart to my head as she always does. That hasn’t changed.

Maybe my relationship with Detail is supposed to be more literally grounded at this point. Less flying across the fields; more easy walks on the trail. I know there’s truth to that, but it hurts like hell to think of letting go of our gallops through the pastures. Detail loved to run, and feeling her unbridled power was my definition of freedom.

At 35, I’m figuring out what freedom means now. Who am I, if I’m not the wild, free-spirited woman galloping bareback in a dress with my four-legged best friend? My ego loves attaching my identity to that visual image.

I’m learning freedom means letting go of my ego’s attachment to what was, surrendering to what is, and making space for what will be. 

I will do everything in my power to help Detail get better and then it’s up to God. That’s when the tears come because I can’t control the outcome.

When I stop fighting and resisting the way things are, I feel calmer. My tears have been released, and I surrender. In the surrender, there’s acceptance. Accepting that it’s a new chapter for us.

Detail is continuing to teach me to become unbridled, to let go, to stop trying to control what’s out of my control. My new definition of freedom isn’t galloping bareback, but letting go what was, accepting what is, and making space for what will be.

By accepting, I feel free,

Devon

Have you ever struggled to accept a “new norm” with a beloved friend? I’d love to hear from you, please share in the comments below.

24 replies
  1. Laura
    Laura says:

    I’m so sad for you and Detail, but I know exactly what you mean in this post. It rings like a church bell in my heart. I’m in the same place. Thank you for sharing. Side note… The have direct flights from Santa Rosa to Denver now…😊 I may need to take a trip back to the Grizzly Rose!

    Reply
    • Devon
      Devon says:

      Thank you for sharing that you’re in the same place…it’s comforting to know others understand this journey with their beloved four legged-friends. I would love to see you again soon, and we’ll definitely go the Grizzly Rose. Big hugs to you, Laura.

      Reply
  2. Delora Comfort
    Delora Comfort says:

    Beautifully written but my heart breaks for you. Pleased you have added God as part of your turning it over Love You

    Reply
  3. Cathy Martin
    Cathy Martin says:

    “I’m learning freedom means letting go of my ego’s attachment to what was, surrendering to what is, and making space for what will be.”. And “to stop trying to control what’s out of my control.” These words resonate deep in my heart in my situation. It is so hard to let go of that control. These are great words for any situation, thank you Devon ❤

    Reply
  4. Nichole
    Nichole says:

    As you know, I’m going thru the same thing with my beloved Izzy. Your words ring so true. We are continuously learning a new normal, and the less I resist what I can’t control the more happy memories I get to make with her. Detail knows how much you love her and has no doubt already released her desire for the “good old days”. Animals are such great teachers about how to live in the present. Not easy lessons, but I constantly look to Izzy to show me how to let go.

    Reply
    • Devon
      Devon says:

      Nichole, I know you know this journey well with Izzy…I love what you shared, “the less I resist what I can’t control the more happy memories I get to make with her.” That brings tears of resonance to my eyes. Animals are such great teachers of living in the present and we never stop learning from them, at every chapter. Sending you and Izzy lots of love.

      Reply
  5. Mary C Collins
    Mary C Collins says:

    Devon,
    My heart breaks for you! Letting go and acceptance is a daily journey. But watching someone you love hurt is the hardest. For both of you. HUGS!

    Reply
  6. Betty
    Betty says:

    A very timely sharing for me, thank you. I have been trying to hold the image of “taking my hands off the wheel” when I catch myself trying to force through my expectations of what I want my life to look like. But to me horses have always been a symbol of my hopes and dreams. So I am changing the vision to “take my hands off the reins”. So helpful to know we don’t ride this trail alone.

    Reply
    • Devon
      Devon says:

      Hi Betty, I love what you shared, “…horses have always been a symbol of my hopes and dreams.” Taking the hands off the reins is a great metaphor and reminder to let go, and trust the journey, even when things don’t go how we expect or want. You’re not definitely alone, and thank you for sharing. I’m grateful for your endless support and unconditional love on this journey.

      Reply
  7. Kim M Dove
    Kim M Dove says:

    First of all I want to tell you how sorry I am that you & Detail are going through this. However; you sound like you are on the path of acceptance Devon. This is a huge awakening. I too went through this with 2 horses & I didn’t know where it would go & how I could go on. Through this journey, these two horses taught me that there certainly is enough love to give to another horse in need. I still have very loving & fond memories of “flying” on Gypsy’s back & it is with reverence that I see us together & her not being in pain any longer. She taught me to “let go”. As you know; I now have another mare who has told me she just wants to BE; not DO! I say ok because frankly I am not getting any younger either! LOL! I am sending you both love & blessings.

    Reply
    • Devon
      Devon says:

      Hi Kim, you know this journey well and I love how tuned in you are to your horses at the different stages of their journeys. It’s a big awakening of acceptance and letting go and listening to the wisdom of our horses. Good reminder in the value of “being” vs. “doing”…I resonate with that a lot. Thank you for sharing your experience! XO

      Reply
  8. Kathy Rice
    Kathy Rice says:

    My whole world is in a state of flux. My dance teacher of 20 plus years is in hospice. This will be the end of an era. My class has been together for 24 years. What will hold us together now? He is the glue that holds our beautiful union of amazing, talented women together. To see him smile when I said he’s sexier than the whole lot of us when he dances was so bitter sweet. As he goes in and out of consciousness I can tell he hears every word we say. All the love we speak of goes straight to his heart. My second heartbreak is that the horse i have grown to love so much, Sterling, is being retired by his owner. He can no longer handle the work load of being a school horse. He’s also got melanoma so isn’t a viable addition to the therapy program we tried to get him placed in. His future is very uncertain and looking dismal. But to love and have lost is better than to never have loved at all. I cherish every prance, trot and canter we ever shared. My heart is full of gratitude yet broken at the same time. Your words are profound and come at exactly the right time for me. Let go, accept, change and move forward making room for what comes next. I have to have faith that the lessons I learn through my sadness will enrich my life in a way that has not yet been revealed to me. So I focus on gratitude and put one foot in front of the other. And off we go towards the new horizon and whatever may be awaiting for me on my journey. Kathy Rice

    Reply
    • Devon
      Devon says:

      Kathy, thank you for sharing your experience any heart goes out to you for the heartbreak you’re experiencing with your dance teacher and Sterling. What you wrote made me cry, and I can feel your love for both of these beloved beings in your life. This really spoke to me in your message, “I have to have faith that the lessons I learn through my sadness will enrich my life in a way that has not yet been revealed to me.” That’s a powerful reminder to all of us, as well as to keep putting one foot in front of the other. XO

      Reply
  9. Kathleen
    Kathleen says:

    HI Devon, I sometimes it’s hard to find time to read all of my emails and many times I haven’t read yours all the way through. Today I did and I am so glad. Lately I am thinking and “pining” for how things used to be. Sometimes it makes for good memories, but lately it just seems to make me sad only because things are so different now. Thanks to your post, it reminds me to focus on now and see what will happen in the future, but not worry so much about it. Let go and let God and be in the moment.
    I hope Detail feels better soon.

    Reply
    • Devon
      Devon says:

      Kathleen, thank you for your comment and I’m glad the the blog was timely for you. I love what you shared, “…focus on now and see what will happen in the future, but not worry so much about it.” YES. Big hugs, and I appreciate your kind words for Detail.

      Reply
  10. Leslie
    Leslie says:

    Devon I was in London when I got your message have to say I couldn’t make it through without crying my heart breaks for you and detail it’s so hard seeing your loved one in pain and not being able to make it better but one thing I know is they teach us to live in the moment the past is gone the future hasn’t come but today is the present 💝 each day is precious live in it fully and joyfully we never know what the future will hold! 🦋🦋🦋🐎🥰 love you precious lady 😘

    Reply
    • Devon
      Devon says:

      Hi Leslie, I really appreciate your comment and it’s so true that our loved ones teach us to live in the moment. I love what you wrote,”….each day is precious live in it fully and joyfully we never know what the future will hold.” That’s a beautiful reminder, thank you. XO

      Reply

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